hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
