Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
