You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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