two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
