if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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