It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
