So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
