All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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