i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
