lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
love makes seman taste better
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
