Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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