You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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