I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
