I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
only if we run a train.
done.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
