I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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