20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
