Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
