Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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