Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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