come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
