woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am available for nakedness
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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