The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize