I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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