i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
