I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shame - the story of my life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
