remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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