I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize