I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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