smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The air was thick with penises
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
