"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
