i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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