yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
