I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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