Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
