I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
