If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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