You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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