i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
