just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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