At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
