so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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