I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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