i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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