yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
