Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
