Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
