I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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