Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
