went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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