Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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