I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
