since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
