Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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