I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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