So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
