i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
