He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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