Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
