I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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